Don't Make Assumptions About Your Dyslexic Kid!

If you have a dyslexic kid in your life, here are some assumptions that you might want to be careful about making.

Hey everyone, we're Sonja and Nick, and this is Dyslexia Journey. And today we're talking about assumptions that you might make about your dyslexic kid. And I think that we all make assumptions about people with dyslexia, whether we're doing it consciously or subconsciously, whether we have dyslexia ourselves or not, whether we want to or not, we are going to make assumptions. Right, and it's just true with parenting in general too, or with working with kids, just like part of life that we tend to make assumptions about how things will go.

But I think sometimes it's good to sort of challenge those or question them because we can have more effective relationships with people when we do. Definitely. And everyone's unique. And so whether you have dyslexia or not, any assumptions or any assumptions that you make about anyone could be wrong. And that's just good life advice in general. But to keep it focused on dyslexia, let's jump in with sort of some, maybe some of the more common assumptions.

Right. And I just want to add to what you said too, that, you know, of course on this, on Dyslexia Journey where we're often trying to show other people's experiences so we can make those kinds of connections and trying to talk about just issues and insights into dyslexia. But it's important, I think, to always know that there's that individualization as well. And so while that can be really supportive to understand general principles, general rules, generally how things go and other people's experiences, I think the focus of this episode today is really just about more that sort of always having that little caveat or grain of salt or like knowing that it could be different.

Right. And for example, we have a series that's part of Dyslexia Journey called Dyslexic Voices, where we interview adults with dyslexia. And we explicitly try to present a range of different types of people, people with very different types of careers, people with very different types of life paths to try to make sure that you're not making, you know, that none of us are making assumptions about the way that one's life is going to go if one has dyslexia.

Right, right. Okay, well, let's jump into one of them. And, you know, actually, each of them that we're going to talk about sort of has the flip side. So it's like you could make the assumption one direction or the other. So, you know, of course, we're talking about dyslexia. So reading comes to mind as something that we might have assumptions about their ability to read. So one big assumption could be that they won't ever be able to read well.

And then on the flip side of that, that with enough remediation, they won't ever have challenges in that regard. So those are kind of two different ways we could have assumptions about a dyslexic kid's ability to read. Yeah. And I think this is probably the most, probably the most common assumption about dyslexic kids is that they will never be able to read fluently. And I think that that is just not true for a lot of dyslexic people.

Like there are a lot of dyslexic people out there who can read fluently. So it's really important, especially as parents of a dyslexic kid or as someone with a dyslexic kid in your life. Like this is this is really critical, actually, is to not assume that that child cannot learn to read. Right. Like this is probably like if you take one thing away from today's episode, it's probably that. Like, do not assume that that this dyslexic kid in your life is not going to be able to learn how to read.

Right. But then on the flip side, does that mean that there won't be challenges? It probably doesn't. I mean, it does vary, like just in the people we've talked with on the podcast and on this channel, like there is quite a variation, I would say, in people's fluency and like how that exactly went for them. But but I think it's important to know that there could always be some kind of challenge.

Right. Whether or not that whether that's as simple as just, you know, taking a little more time or or it being that someone maybe doesn't read quite as fluently and they have a lot more accommodations. So the flip side is to realize that it's not about them reading, you know, well at all, but there definitely could still be continuing challenges. So and I think sometimes, you know, as someone working with a kid who's dyslexic as their parent or otherwise, you know, it's like you want it to be solved.

Right. So there's I think there's often these underlying underlying pieces of, you know, our emotion or psychology involved. So it's like we really want it to be like if they get through that remediation program and it'll be kind of over. But, you know, taking that long approach, that's why we call it Dyslexia Journey in terms of how dyslexia affects one's life in so many ways, because really it's a brain difference that has positive aspects, too.

I think helps with that. So if you can have that bigger perspective that, of course, there's still going to be challenges, there's going to be good things, too. But in all of that, I think that can help with the particular assumption. Yeah. All right. So extending or talking a little bit more about reading.

There is a common assumption sort of when you get past the like, can someone learn to read who's dyslexic? Once you get past that assumption, whether they can or can't, the next thing that generally comes up is an assumption that a dyslexic kid is going to hate reading or is or is or is never going to enjoy reading. On the flip side of that is perhaps an assumption that with enough remediation and enough support, and this often comes up with with from parents who really enjoy reading themselves, that that with enough encouragement that a dyslexic child will come to enjoy reading and and read for pleasure to the same extent that their parents do, for example.

Right. And the reason why sometimes that so that can happen. Right. But but that the latter point, the latter assumption, the reason it sometimes doesn't happen is simply because it's more, you know, if it is more challenging, it just might be that they don't prefer to get story that way. They might prefer things like TV shows and movies more forgetting, getting story or maybe it's that they do enjoy books, but they like to do audio books, you know, so there's lots of different ways that could look if if the reading itself still feels a bit tedious to them.

Right. but it's also important than the flip side is, is don't assume your dyslexic kid is going to hate reading. there are plenty of dyslexic people out there who, who do actually read quite, read quite often for fun. or, or just, you know, fiction, nonfiction. there are plenty of dyslexic people out there who, who can read quite quickly and enjoy it. so, so the key here is just don't, don't make assumptions. when you make assumptions, that, you know, we, we, so this is sort of jumping into, jumping, stepping up a little bit from, from the specific assumptions and talking about why it's important not to make assumptions. so this might be a good place to do that. you know, when you make assumptions that puts, even if, even if you don't say them out loud, you know, your child can usually tell. so that either will disagree.

Discourage the child or feel like it's putting pressure on the child, depending on sort of which direction the assumption is. and it's really always best just to let, you know, let, let what, what your child's, what's going to happen unfold without your kind of expectations or assumptions. Right. And I mean, we all do it. So noticing when you do it and then trying to open up the possibilities in your own mind is sort of the way to handle that. I would say like trying to catch it. That's probably the, like the tip there, I would say. All right. So the next, assumption to be careful about with your dyslexic kid, is to assume that they will not be good at language arts or conversely, that they will be good at something, that, requires strong visual spatial, spatial skills like art or engineering.

Mm-hmm. Because those are often are associated as being something that dyslexic people often are good at. Right. and so let's take the language arts thing first. So, skills with, sort of the, the, the actual reading and writing, the actual decoding and mechanics and the spelling and stuff. one, if you're dyslexic, those can be remediated. two, once you get to middle school and high school, even in elementary school, to some extent, language arts is about, much, it's really not about the mechanics of the reading and writing.

It's about ideas and, logical thought and argument and analysis, literary analysis, story, that kind of stuff. I mean, there is definitely still some teaching of, of, of grammar and things as well, just different extents at different schools. But I think the point is that sometimes even a kid who maybe still struggles a bit with the grammar and spelling, like particularly if they're able to use grammar check, spell check and have accommodations, they can do really well often with getting their ideas out.

And, you know, so particularly essay writing, that kind of thing, having discussions in class, all of that. Yeah. I mean, so, so it's, it's not surprising to have a dyslexic kid who, who really, can't spell very well, be in, in honors or an IB or an AP, language arts class in high school. Like that's, that's a totally normal thing. Right. Right. And then the flip side part where, you know, making assumptions about what they might be good at, I think that probably pretty quickly would become clear to someone, you know, if they're really noticing, but it's still important just in terms of maybe more generally realizing that their strengths are still going to be so individualized, even though just their dyslexic brain will play into it.

I mean, there's still going to be so much individualization there. So that's the point to keep in mind with that. Okay. and then another, another assumption that you might have about your dyslexic kid or a dyslexic kid, you know, that kind of has a flip side, is that either they will have low self-confidence because of it, you know, because we know that, oftentimes experiences that they have negative experiences around reading could potentially affect them.

so one side of it is that they would automatically have a self-confidence issue because of it. And then the flip side is that if they don't seem like they are having a self-confidence issue around it, that they might not later at some point, like have some challenge or emotional challenge. And maybe that's when it comes out that maybe it was difficult when they were dyslexic or when they were identified or something.

So, so both of those can be assumptions about how it goes, that it's important to just keep in mind that the trajectory, we don't always know the trajectory. Like if it seems like it's one way could shift, for example. Yeah, I mean, every child is unique, everyone's kind of emotional response to stress and difficulty is going to be different. So, I mean, even if you're the parent of, of two dyslexic kids, I mean, they might have completely different, emotional responses throughout their childhood to being dyslexic.

some of that might depend on early experiences. Some of that might depend on, in a, just how they are, personality, the word I was looking for. Yeah. So, you just, you just don't know, you just, have to observe and then, you know, respond to that, that child as they are, not to, to how you have observed other children or how you expect what your expectation is for that child's response. All right.

And then we have three, I guess, bonus assumptions to watch out for, that don't really have a flip side, but we just wanted to add here as well. And so the first one is just to really be mindful around your expectations about how hard you're working with them and any specific outcome. because I think it's easy to do that, we want so hard to help them and, you know, we might be doing a lot of work with them.

and if we can try to think of that really flexibly and generally, I think that can really help with it, not being that there's a very, very specific outcome. Like they're going to do a particular way in this particular class even, and, you know, that can feel really easy to do, right? You might be working on the material for a particular class, but I think for anything, if we can keep in mind that we're just, we're offering support and really keep it sort of that general mentality about it.

I think that's really helpful. And again, like that can be, as I'm saying it, I think that can be hard to distinguish because especially maybe as a kid gets older, you're helping them maybe to like make the goal for a particular class and try to complete a certain thing. And so it's not that those pieces aren't in there, but it's more like our overall mentality. Can we keep our assumptions more around support and helping them to do what they need to do?

So, so it could be around them finishing what they need to finish. It could be around helping them to learn the material better, but if we can keep them, you know, just a little more like that big level where we're not so invested with a very, very specific outcome. That's what I'm trying to get at. Yeah. And that gets hard when you're putting your time and or money into something. Right. So, I mean, it could be as little as, okay, I'm going to take this hour to work with my child, my dyslexic child on reading.

And I, you know, if I'm going to take an hour to work with my child on reading, I hope that that child is going to get something out of that. It could be that that child is not in the mood to work about reading, to work on reading in that hour and they get nothing out of it. Or maybe it's going to be something that they do, but you can't see the result yet. I mean, there's all kinds of ways it could go. But I think, I mean, even talking about that specific example, you can see that going in with that mentality also could much more easily lead to conflict between you and the child. And like, so if we can try to like relax into being there and being in support, even though there's very specific things that are going on within that time, I think that can be really helpful.

Well, yeah, exactly. Okay, the next assumption to be careful about here is, don't assume that it's too late to help your dyslexic kid. So maybe you didn't identify that they were dyslexic until they're 15. Maybe, as in the case of Darius, whose interview we posted recently, he didn't learn he was dyslexic until he was 35. It's never too late to discover that you're dyslexic and to remediate and figure out your accommodations and address your dyslexia or your child's dyslexia in whatever way that looks like.

Mm-hmm. And I, you know, sometimes it's, sometimes the, it's a late diagnosis because of, that there have been like sort of self-accommodations and, and those kinds of things that, that, the person has been doing for themselves, right? They've already been learning ways that work for them. And mostly that can continue. It's not like that isn't a wonderful thing, but I think it's important to keep in mind that that insight then of learning, that they are dyslexic can, can still at any point.

Like be pulled into the mix to develop maybe even better tools or to try out different things. So it's important to do that as well. And finally, the last assumption we're going to talk about today that it's important not to make about your dyslexic kid, is do not assume or do not expect that dyslexia can be cured. we've talked about this before. Dyslexia is a brain difference. it's not, it's not anything that is going, the, the, the fundamental brain physiology is not going to be changed. It's not going to be cured. a dyslexic child can learn to read and write and can succeed in school and life. we a hundred percent believe that. and there are also many benefits of dyslexia, of dyslexic brain, as we've also talked about.

but just keep in mind that it's not a disease. It's not something that gets cured. Right. Even though, even in the, in this episode, we've been using the word diagnosed. I usually like to switch to the word identified, but this time I've been using diagnosed the entire time. So you can see why we get into that kind of thinking about it. and that's partly because, you know, for certain it is, can, is still talked about as a diagnosis, like when it's identified. So that's why, you know, I was using that word, but, but I think that that's why we can get into that mentality. And so we have to watch when it becomes that we are starting to think of it like this curable disease, as opposed to, you know, this brain difference and this different way of interacting with information in the world.

Exactly. So hopefully those are helpful. If you have any assumptions that you've noticed that you've made, if you want to put those in the comments below, we'd love to hear what your experience has been. And thanks for watching.