DyslexiaLand Author Cheri Rae’s Top Tips For Parents

It's important to see it as urgent, but I do always let parents know, as long as you're on it and you're paying attention, your child's going to be okay.

You're the biggest advocate of them all. What are some, like, smaller ways, but, you know, essential for one's own child that you think are most important for advocating for your child? Well, I think you have to become really knowledgeable, and that's why I wrote Dyslexia Land. It's like, it gives you, it's a nice little primer, and so you don't have to run all over the internet looking for information. It's like all in one place.

So, become educated about, I mean, it's a big learning curve, because there's so much you have to learn. Learn about dyslexia. Learn about your child's manifestation of it. You know, learn your child's strengths and challenges that need to be addressed. You've got to learn about the school system that your child is in, and where they're at, what their curriculum is, what's their tenor about all of this situation, and then you have to learn what are you willing to do about it.

I don't ever, I really suggest to parents, just focus on your child. While your child, you need your child to be happy and healthy, and your family needs to be calm, don't try to help everybody else. Just focus on your child. And, you know, later on, I mean, like, they get crazy with me, because, like, my kid is, like, out and gone, you know. It's like, what are you still doing here, you know? It's like, well, I'm doing it for those parents of the eight-year-old who's struggling, who they shouldn't and can't at this point.

So I don't want them to feel like they have to be out and crusading or anything like that. They don't. They should just focus on their child. And mostly, build the child's strengths and teach the child about it. Teach the child about, this is a learning difference. There are all these amazing people who have it, read books about the successes, and, you know, the Percy Jackson and the Henry Winkler series, Here's Hank, and all of those, so that they feel good about it.

And they're matter of fact about the whole thing. Yeah. So that's, that knowledge is so empowering for kids so they don't feel bad. You know, the other day I did this, a talk at a school, and a little girl actually, she piped up and she told me, or told the whole class, that her sister has dyslexia. And she was the younger sister. She talked about how hard it was for her sister and how bad she felt as the younger sister, because she could read better than her older sister.

And so these kinds of like real conversations that can be had are very powerful. And so it's not a secret as we, we start eliminating the shame. So I'll tell you, I have met more adults, 40s, 50s, 80s, who still carry with them a sense of shame about their struggles in school. So that's one of the things I always try to teach the kids is be a good friend, learn about this and talk nicely to your friends and never make fun of them.

So, yeah, I think that's a really good point. I was actually surprised because my daughter recently was telling me she was, she was really surprised to find out a classmate in one of her classes also had dyslexia and accommodations. And so, you know, I don't, I don't feel like it's quite that situation that you were talking about, thankfully that, you know, with the shame and all that, but I, it's still kind of like not really talked about though.

Like it's kind of like people don't have a sense, the other kids of the fact that there's quite a few kids, other kids with accommodations, for example. It's all kept really secret and I understand privacy, but I also understand the value and connection, which is why I have, you know, outreach to the community. And sometimes parents will come to a meeting and they'll go, I didn't know, you know, it's like, oh, there's, there's, there's strength in being able to connect with other people.

So, and of course, you know, I can't tell you during COVID, I have an old house with a big front porch. During COVID, I had so many parents come to my house. We social distanced and on the outside and, you know, on the porch, we would talk about, because for the first time they recognized my child is really struggling and I don't understand why. And so, yeah, that word of mouth kind of spreads and people, people do have to talk about it.

And it's, it's, it's so, and we have to normalize it. And so I think that, you know, the last 10 years or so has been so helpful. And I always tell kids, you know, the whole thing of, of technology, if you've got to have dyslexia, this is a really good time to have it because you can, you can use, you know, learning ally and you can use book share and, and you can, you know, speech to text, text to speech.

There's so much that's helpful. So, yeah, it's not, it's not as, if we could normalize the feelings about it, it's much more, it's easier to have it today than it, than it used to be. You know? Yeah. I think that's a really important point, actually, to not forget how much progress we have made. So if I think about a generation ago, when, when Sonja and I were in school, it, it just wasn't really addressed.

And if you think sort of two generations ago, it was just not even a thing. Like, I mean, it was a thing clearly, but it wasn't recognized as, as, as something. Yeah. Well, it's interesting. I mean, Orton and Gillingham were doing their work in the 1930s. So it's like, we know about it. And I have a life magazine from the sixties where they did a whole story about it. So we, we like to say, oh, they didn't know about it.

Well, actually they did, but they didn't know, they didn't know nearly as much. And it was more like off to the edge. Yeah. Yeah. And it's again, that disconnect between maybe what, what is known by some people and what's actually addressed in the schools or how the school is treated. Yeah. Yeah. Or what we call it, what we call it. Oh, he's just not a good test taker. Oh yeah. Well, yeah.

Yeah. And by the way, I wanted to mention that you, you, you were talking about your, your daughter having a 504. I think that's a really good plan. And if I had it to do over, I would have done that with my son. And I often suggest to parents, and I know that this is an economic hardship, but getting the instruction outside of school. It's, it's, it's like, at some point you have to think about your quality of life and what's the point of fighting them forever because they will fight you forever.

And then you leave and then a new batch comes in. So you have to think about what's best for your child. And if they're going to get low quality instruction in school and you're fighting all the time, it's just not worth, it's not worth it. You have to figure out something else. And one of the really great things with technology is you can get an instructor on zoom where, you know, 10 years ago you couldn't, you had to have a OG instructor somewhere that in your vicinity.

And now, you know, there's a world that's opened up and, you know, there's, there's other ways that even parents can teach their own children, you know? So, so yeah. And the 504 you're protected by the, it's a civil rights issue rather than a legal issue. And that is huge. That makes a difference. I had a parent who was constantly dealing with the IEP mass and she couldn't stand anymore. So she goes to the, gets a 504 and goes to the office of civil rights and everything was different, everything.

And she got immediate results. So I think that's a really good way to go. We've already gotten into quite a few tips here, but what are some other tips for sort of, I guess, different areas? So let's start with identification. So what are, what are some of your top tips for how to, like, if you suspect that your child, whether they're, you know, just starting school or, or later in elementary school or whatever, if you suspect that they might have dyslexia, what sort of, what are the next steps?

What do you, what are the best tips there for getting them sort of identified? I think it's really challenging, you know, in like in first grade, because you'll, what you'll hear in public school typically is, well, we don't test until third grade. Oh, we'll just wait, you know, oh, they're all slow. You know, whenever they decide that don't worry now. And to, so when they tell you, don't worry, start worrying because it's important to pinpoint and to keep notes and say, what is it that makes you think that this is the case?

And then think back in your family, is there, you know, are there relatives or someone else have it or someone else, maybe they don't call it dyslexia, but maybe grandpa was a contractor who never really read any books. And then you figure out, oh, that probably is an indicator. Or, you know, you start looking for little signs. Maybe they didn't call it dyslexia, but, but it was clear there was struggle reading.

I mean, I think that a simple little screener, if people would, if, if, if teachers could ask in kindergarten, is there anybody in the family who's struggled with reading? You know, a simple question like that. Can the child, recite the alphabet, tie their shoes? You know, the, these simple little questions, and it'll rhyme, you know, all of these little things that we now know are indicators. I would have recognized it in my son much earlier had I known about these things, but those, and they're simple and they cost nothing to, and I suppose that these days it would be considered an invasion of privacy or something.

But, you know, if you start looking at these indicators and then document them. And one thing I will suggest to parents always is when you're talking about your child with an educator and you're in a meeting, bring a picture of your child, bring a example of your child's reading, you know, like if you videotape it or you ask them and you scribe it out and you say what you read, what the child says about reading, make it human, make it personal and remind them, this is a, an actual person that needs to learn how to read because they're not going to be six or seven or eight struggling and you do not want them to be 28 and struggling because they can't even get a job at that point. So it's really, it's important to see it as urgent, but I do always let parents know as long as you're on it and you're paying attention, your child's going to be okay.

It's when parents deny it or they punish or they just believe the schools that it'll be all right. I mean, I literally had a kid that I met a couple of weeks ago and I found out now he's in fourth grade, fourth grade, and he cannot recite the alphabet. Now, how does that happen? You know, where nobody's picking up on this, you know, and he's somehow he just fell through the cracks.

Thankfully, I've got an educational therapist working with him and he's going to, it's going to take a lot though for him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's such a good tip about humanizing your child too, because, you know, again, it's like, I think the intention's already there to humanize them, but just in the way institutions work and the way psychology works, it's, it's important. It's important to make that connection and to really point that out. Like this is the story of the real human involved here. I love that tip. Yeah. Yeah. I actually did that myself.

It's 13 years ago. I wrote a cover story for our local paper. It's like one mom's journey, you know, with dyslexia. And in it, I included, I asked my son, what's it like for you to read? And it's heartbreaking when he talks about how he reads one line and then he says a word gets mixed up and he has to go back. And at the end he says, and then I feel stupid. And it's like, it capsulized in like three sentences, the universal experience. And it was amazing. And it gets you, it just gets you. And, you know, when I tell, you know, that little boy that I just met, he, he, I was doing an event and, and he came up to me and said, I can't read how brave of him. How, how amazing that he recognized what I was talking about in himself. So we really have to listen to

these children because they are very aware. And as early as like first and second grade, they know who's struggling and who's not. And, you know, they, they, they can tell you and they feel terrible about it. And I know one little girl, she wrote that they gave her a prompt, what I wish. And she wrote that I could read. She was like second grade. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. It's, it's a problem for everybody in the children feel it. So it's not just all these adults yakking at each other. It's like, talk to the kid and listen to what they have to say about it.

Yeah. That's so important to bring it back home to that and connect it back to that. Yeah. And that was one of the biggest indications for us. I mean, long before we realized that our daughter had dyslexia, we realized that going to school every day was not only making her feel stupid, right? But she was actually regressing in her academic ability after being at school all day. Right. Well, and probably not just academic, but in every situation. And I had that exact same thing happen.

My son went to an alternative, really hippy dippy kind of an elementary school, which was fabulous for him. But when he wasn't reading, I'm thinking, oh, he needs more structure. I'm going to take him to the, you know, the regular school. Well, he lasted three weeks. And during that time, he was never allowed to go out for recess. His name got on the board and he was like, I don't know why my name is on the board. And he was just like, it was misery. And so I went back to the hippy dippy school and I'm like, please, can he come back? And they're like, yes. And this was a public school. And when I, when I drove him past the, the, the structured school, he looked at me, he goes, oh, mom, look, that's that jail for kids. He used to send me to like, oh, that's my

worst mom moment, you know, thinking that the structure is what he needed when what he needed was, you know, a different approach to, to being taught. Yeah. Right. Again, that's such a almost universal experience. I mean, cause we had similar, you know, journey finding the right elementary school for our daughter. She was telling us recently, someone at school asked her, where did you go to elementary school? And she said, well, let me tell you the story. You know, it's hard. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I really loved also in, in your book, how, you know, you covered the different areas involved, but you also, you also take it by, age level. So, because that's an important factor too, is just different considerations at different age levels. I wonder if you just have a few thoughts, maybe as we get closer to ending here on like some tips or how things might look different or however you want to talk about age level differences. Well, one of the things is that we, we always talk about reading and at some point, you know, we've got that, you know, you're learning to read versus reading to learn, but in like the middle grades, you, you have to really focus on writing.

And so you've got to come up with solutions about writing where a child might be able verbally to tell you all kinds of wonderful stories, but feel very stymied in writing them down. So you've got to figure that out, whether it's voice to, to speech, to text, or what I did was I scribed for my son, you know, we do the same. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that parents should feel very comfortable and, and give, give themselves permission to do whatever it takes, whatever it takes to get them through.

Someone told me that because I was like, well, how is he ever going to get through high school? Do whatever it takes. And that included like talking with the principal, like in junior high and high school about who are the best teachers for this kid? Who's going to understand and implement the in the, accommodations best who one of the best classes to be in where the work is going to be not wrote, but it's going to be more interesting and project based. So you have to really think about how does your child learn and then try to match it as much as possible and connect in a human way with the teachers and the, and the administrators in every way that you can, because for, for these kids, that connections make all the difference. I remember when my son was having a hard time in

geometry, I went to the geometry teacher. I'm going, you know, he rides mountain bikes all the time. And he's always talking about the geometry of the bike. Could we talk about bringing in a mountain bike, you know, and look at the angles and the physics and, you know, like how this works. And it's like, make it concrete, make it like they can relate where it's not so, just so abstract, make it work for them so they can visualize it. And, you know, and, and if you stay on really good terms, and I always was able to do that, mostly able to do that with teachers, they really are appreciative. And I've got lots of thank you letters, which like, Oh, thank you. You know, now I know more about how to teach other kids. So, so really getting human with the whole thing and, and just focus on your child.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was, wow. That was a lot of great advice there.

Yeah. It all comes back, doesn't it? Yeah. Well, it's just, I think it resonates for us right now with, you know, having a daughter in high school. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I literally every semester sat down with that principal and, you know, he's, he's became a friend and he learned a great deal. And you know, what was the best thing he recognized where he hadn't before? Oh, these kids aren't lazy. They didn't learn to read in second grade and I end up with them. So he's much more of an advocate now for better learning, reading instruction because he ends up with all these kids that are struggling and, and becoming behavior problems and miserable and truant. And like, we can stop that if we see it as a systemic issue.

Yeah. Well, yeah, I think that's really hopeful advice about sort of the connection story piece and, you know, building awareness. And then also really empowering too, to think of the, like, where can we, where can we make a difference? Where can we just help them get the best class? Where can we do that? And there is, there's a lot of that that we can do. And so it's really empowering. We can. Yeah. And it shouldn't be adversarial. I mean, I, I, you know, sometimes it gets that way. And for me, because I've been in it for so long. Yeah. But on a, you know, it shouldn't, it shouldn't be, and you don't want it to be. You, you, you have to think this is a teamwork kind of a thing I have in the book. I've got this equation about informed parents and aware educators equals empowered students. And it's like, that's what we want. You want everybody working

together in the same way to help these kids move forward in their lives. Yeah. And I think it's important to, to emphasize, what, what you've been saying all along here is that, sometimes in, in, in our society, we get told as parents, like, oh, you've got to, the kids need to learn how to, how to advocate for themselves. They need to learn how to, how to figure things out for themselves. Right. And I think it's important to, as parents, just to give ourselves permission or to feel like we have permission to advocate for our children at all levels, even in the, in the high school, because like they really need it. They really need it. And that whole thing of grit, you know, grit was really popular there for a while, you know, no, no, especially dyslexic kids, they don't need grit. They've already got it in their own heads. They already feel that,

you know, they're putting a lot of pressure on themselves and feeling really uncomfortable with all of this. So don't add more to, oh, well, they'll be better people. No, they won't. They'll just be beaten down more, you know? And so, yeah. And, and it's okay. And you can do it behind the scenes. I mean, there was a situation with my son's, case manager when he was in high school and the case manager didn't want to talk to me anymore. So, okay, how do we do this? So my husband, I would tell my husband what to, what, what he needed. And then he would tell the case manager and it all worked out. And it just, cause you know, the case manager, my son really liked each other and we weren't going to end that relationship. We were going to make it work. And so you just got

to always say, we're going to get this kid through high school. This is really important. And then you deal with all the college stuff after that, if you want to deal with that. And, and yeah. And just for the record, my son went to two years of college. He did not do, he was a, he was too intimidated to, to, to reach his full potential in baseball. He was being recruited and, and couldn't go away and all that. So that didn't happen, but he's now 26 and he's working for a software company. And he, it's like, they hired him when they never hire anybody who doesn't have a college education, but they hired him because of his teamwork abilities, his likability, how intelligent he is and how well he can work with people. So those dyslexic strengths are what got him a really good job where, you know, they have massages and they have lunch brought in and all that,

you know, it's kind of like the same wavelength kind of a company. So there's lots of good hope out there for, for families. And they should know that even when you're struggling, you know, for years, it's going to get a lot better. And school's probably the worst time for these kids. Yeah. That's a really good point. And to keep sight of that on the horizon. Yeah. That's probably a good place to wrap up.

I think so. So we're going to put this in the notes, of course, as well, but where can people get ahold of you or contact you or find out more about your work? Oh, they can reach me at, the dyslexia project at gmail.com. And yeah, yeah. And the book, the book is, there's a website for the book. It's dyslexialand.com. Okay. We will put that in as well. Yeah. We'll put that on the show notes. Well, Sherry, thank you. This is, I feel like we could have talked for, for three more hours about this, but

because we're friends now.

so this is, this is super important information, to get out there and thank you for, for all the advocacy work that you're doing for the work that you're doing is benefiting, our daughter and everybody else. Oh, that's really sweet. Thank you. I hope, I hope she's doing well and, and tell her to hang in there. It gets better. Okay. Thank you so much. Take care.