Back to School with Dyslexia: Reset, Not Rigidity

It's back to school time again. Here are our thoughts for getting off to a strong start with your dyslexic kid.

It got me diagnosed when I was in third grade, and it was the most relieving day of my life because I finally had like kind of a place to hang my hat and say, see, I told you I'm not lazy, definitely not stupid. I just learned differently. Like, that's totally okay. We dyslexics, we were often, you know, just set up for failure because, you know, we were given books and tasks that really are not appropriate for the level that we were at.

So how do you expect anyone to be open to learning when their entire relationship with reading, with learning, is physical pain? I wish I had understood when I was younger that the fact that my brain worked differently than people meant that I would be good at things in ways that other kids were not going to be good at. I just assumed, I can't be dyslexic because letters don't jump up and down for me.

Dyslexia is not a disorder. It is not a disease. Once you sort of own it and embrace it, then you can have the power to deal with it. It's sort of empowering and also enriching to the whole community. To those who don't understand what dyslexia is, that it's not a negative, it's not a problem, it's, like we keep saying, superpower.

Hey everyone, we're Nick and Sonja, and this is Dyslexia Journey. So today, since we're, at the time we're filming this, it's almost back to school time here in Colorado, and it will be soon in other places as well. We wanted to just talk about some ways that you can start the school year off, you know, it's that fresh start kind of time of the year anyway. And so, so what are some specific things you can be implementing to start off the school year well?

Yeah, so we'll just kind of go through and just give you some quick hits on our thoughts, advice. That's just current thoughts. So this is not meant to be comprehensive. It's just sort of like what's on our mind with the start to a good school year. Yep. Currently. All right, you want to go first? Yeah, sure. So one thing I was thinking about is that to think about it really as a reset, but not rigidity.

And I mean, I think this is true for anything that we start, you know, when we start an exercise program, when we start, you know, anything like that, right? When we're starting something, it can be really tempting to make it a rigid thing. Maybe that sort of feels safe in a way, like, oh, this will solve all my problems. I figured this out. But if we can try to not make it too rigid, and that's why I like this idea of a reset instead.

So it's like you can use that momentum to set things up and decide how you want to do things. But if you think of it like it's a reset, then it's more of this scaffolding to help you. You can always climb back on it then if you feel like you've fallen off, just like you would with an exercise program. Or you can rearrange the pieces of it if you think of it actually as no scaffolding.

Like maybe some of the pieces need to be arranged, rearranged, and you realize that as you're going. So just remembering that, keeping that in the back of your mind, even as you reset and they're starting to make, you know, figure out what your schedule is going to be like and all of that. Like I think it just can be such a great thing to remember that it's that scaffolding to help you and that it's a reset and that the rigidity doesn't need to be there.

So that, you know, it can always feel more like it's a success and that it's helping you rather than if something happens, it feels like it's a problem and it makes you feel like it's, you know, you failed at it or anything like that. Yeah, and I think that kind of leads into my first point here, which is make sure that you're acknowledging your own concerns and anxieties about how this is going to go for your child and separating that from what they're actually experiencing.

And so, for example, you know, with the sort of rigidity point that Sonja was talking about, like if the first day goes great. And then the second day they come home early because they can't handle school, they might have a stomachache or something like that. It's important to, at this point, your own anxieties might be taking over about school and you might be thinking, oh, this is never going to work. You know, fourth grade is going to be a disaster.

There's a good chance to not catastrophize about it and really realize that this is maybe your own concern and anxiety catastrophizing. And maybe your child really did just have a stomachache and they'll be fine the next day and enjoy school again. Right. And, I mean, I think it's natural to have that reaction. We often will, you know, with our kids. And so, just, I guess, sort of also knowing to be aware of it rather than, you know, trying to suppress it or something because we can't help it that we'll have those kinds of reactions.

It doesn't feel good when that happens and we're so empathetic with our children. But trying to, like, at least know and have some awareness that it's separate and that it's, you know, first of all, not necessarily, like, going to indicate everything that goes forward. But it's also not necessarily how your child's experiencing it. And so, making sure that, you know, that doesn't add into what they're experiencing. Because kids also do come home and tell us the worst things, right?

I mean, because they feel safe with us. So, knowing that they, like, for us, it may turn into lasting rumination about it. For a kid, you know, that could be true. But it's more likely that it's like they're getting it out and they were upset about something and then they don't feel that way necessarily in the next hour or, you know, in the next day. And so, if we can just have a lot of awareness around it, I think that's the way to do it.

So, compassion towards our kid, that's naturally happening, but then towards ourselves as well, but keeping that awareness.

And then another important aspect, and we've talked about this before, is trying to, when you're doing that scheduling, really, really being mindful about putting in breaks, putting in most loved activities. So, sometimes that does look like a very scheduled activity for a kid. That's going to depend on the kid a lot, I think. And that can feel really, really challenging because things are so busy, but trying to plan that in. Yeah, it's so hard if your summer break, especially for younger kids, if it's been two, two and a half months of fun, of swimming and being outdoors.

And not having to worry about school, it would be a really hard shift to all of a sudden do nothing but school. Right. Exactly. And then I think another way, this is sort of a separate point, but I feel like it's related, is to try to, as you're starting off with homework and things and getting into this, whatever this reset is for you, trying to keep things light and fun as much as possible.

I mean, there's always going to be times when you're dragging on with homework or there's homework resistance or, you know, there's going to be times that don't feel like that. But if you can try to have, you know, the majority of times that things feel a little lighter, and I think as an adult, it's easy to both ruminate and get into the perspective of, oh my gosh, but this matters completely for the kid.

But on the other hand, you can use that perspective to say, hey, this is one homework thing. You know, I used to often tell myself, sort of work backwards and be like, I don't think this is going to be a problem 30, you know, 20 years from now. And then kind of work backwards and be like, okay, at some point, this is going to change, this is going to shift. This is a moment in time right now, even though it feels like it has these wider implications because it's about something important, like, you know, reading, learning to read.

Yep. Okay, my next point is, the pattern of your child going back to school is probably going to be a honeymoon period where they are excited, they're happy, they're seeing friends again who they haven't seen for a while, they're meeting their teacher or teachers, even older kids, even high school, even college, there's that kind of start of school year excitement and honeymoon period. And then that will almost certainly, especially for those of you with dyslexic kids, be followed by a harder period.

So it's going to be like a high and then it's going to drop. Well, although some kids, you know, certain kinds of kids, maybe they're sensitive around, you know, just being in a group in general or something, they might have a hard time at the beginning. Well, that's true. Well, I think the more common pattern though, yeah, is to have a honeymoon period. Yeah. And then the drop, which is going to be, your kid's going to, yeah, they're going to be in bad moods, they might be crying more, younger kids might be having more tantrums, older kids might be more sullen and withdrawn.

And it, it might start taking the form of school refusal. And so, especially for those of you who have dyslexic kids, don't be surprised if at some point at the beginning of the school year, your child says, I don't want to go to school. Right. Or further in. It will kind of depend on maybe if there's other things going on that they really are enjoying, you know, maybe it'll be later. But at some point it can happen.

So it's kind of like just sort of, so it doesn't feel so shocking being ready for it. Yes. And you may have experienced it already, so you wouldn't be shocked, but that it can, I guess it's like, it's also easy to, sometimes when things are difficult and then we feel like, oh, they've gotten better. It's easy then to, for it to almost to feel devastating if it feels like it gets bad again, but trying to keep perspective on that again, that is, it's pretty natural for this to happen.

Yeah. And just like they're not going to stay at that honeymoon period forever, they're also not going to stay at the low point forever. And then something I wanted to emphasize in particular this year is around communication. So we've talked about, you know, making sure to communicate a lot with your teachers or other people at the school, maybe disability coordinators, reading specialists, all of that. And, you know, really start that communication off strong at the beginning of the year and keep it going.

We've talked about that before, but I feel like this time I want to really emphasize communication between you and your child. So really making sure that they feel like they can tell you when something isn't working out, for example. You know, maybe they'll forget to tell you who knows what will happen, but trying to make sure that they realize that there's this open channel of communication. You want to know if things are working out for them or not also trying to get, have them in on the plan as much as possible.

How it exactly looks varies, of course, by how old they are, but, you know, the plan for the schedule or for when homework's happening or things like that. But if, but really, you know, if they're able to be in on that, they both might have insight that you didn't expect on it. But also having that buy-in of when they're going to do it will really help out. Yes. And, and making sure that they feel comfortable telling you when they're upset or when they don't want to do something.

It's so important for your child to be able to tell you as the parent something like, I hate school. I never want to go back. And that doesn't even mean, that almost certainly doesn't mean your child's never going to go back to school. They just, children feel things very strongly and they like to be able to express that in very strong terms. Right. Right. And so, yeah, that's where you can take that perspective piece again about it being an emotion coming out.

And, and it's going to vary a lot for the individual situation, the degree to which, you know, there's a problem. So it's like, you have to sort of have that perspective and definitely investigate a little more about what's going on, but know that emotions do come out that way too. Yes. Okay. My next point is that you might be tempted to think, okay, my child is a year older. They are now starting third grade or seventh grade or ninth grade.

And, oh, they're a year older. I don't need to help them as much. They can, they, they can manage their own homework this year, or they can manage, you know, remembering to, bring something they need to school. that's tempting, but especially for dyslexic kids, it's important. Like they still need your help, even in high school, maybe even in college, they still need your help. Right. And, and I mean, it's, it's a separate discussion, of course, about how to scaffold independence within what they need your help with.

But I think just remembering that, that, that help and support is still going to be needed in some form, is important. So not, yeah. So not making it like it's cut off at some particular age, really trying to assess it. And then you can always be encouraging them to be independent in all kinds of ways around it. You know, for example, let's say, you still are helping them with even communicating with the teacher or something.

Let's say they're too shy about it or, you know, it's that kind of situation rather than not doing that, which is very, you know, it's such an important thing that they try to maybe see it more as modeling. Or could they, could they help, could they help you come up with what you're going to say? Like, could they say part of it? You know, you can have these ways to work around it and still help them.

And they may, try to, assert their independence themselves. They, they may be feeling the same thing. Like, oh, I'm in fourth grade now. I don't, I don't need my parents to help with my homework anymore. and two days in, they might realize, oh, wait, I, I do need my parents to help with my homework. Right. Okay. And then just the final thing we wanted to leave you with, which we always encourage is keep reading to your child.

And so the reason we bring that up, it's, you know, that's emphasized everywhere as, as a bonding thing, as, as something where you, you know, can learn things together. and we've emphasized it because reading is also, it's definitely in the decoding yourself kind of way, but reading for comprehension, of course, you can get orally. but it's also important to keep in mind, that age again. And so this kind of links to what we were just saying that, at any age, it's really important.

So keep doing it, even if they're getting older, and if they're, if they're willing to want to do that with you, it's also wonderful. So take advantage of it. And even if it seems like you have no time because school is so busy, to go back to our earlier point, like you got to plan in breaks. Right. So that can be a good one. All right. So hopefully you'll, you will have wonderful starts to your school year.

If you have challenges though, just try to keep perspective, and know that, you know, things will shift in other ways as well. Shift back towards the positive and just keep getting back onto your reset. You can always change things up. And I want to add that, at the time of this episode is coming out in August of 2026, we have a new website for Dyslexia Journey. It is at the Dyslexia Journey.com that is the Dyslexia Journey.com.

And there's a lot of stuff there. You can find transcripts of all of our episodes and, you know, resources as well. So check it out.