Is the School Honeymoon Over?

Some kids have a rough start to the school year, but it's not unusual to have sort of a honeymoon period right at the beginning. So now that we're a little further into the school year, is the honeymoon over? And if so, if you're noticing that with your kid, what can you do about it?

Got me diagnosed when I was in third grade, and it was the most relieving day of my life because I finally had like kind of a place to hang my hat and say, see, I told you, I'm not lazy, definitely not stupid. I just learned differently, and like, that's totally okay. With dyslexics, we were often, you know, just set up for failure because, you know, we were given books and tasks that really are not appropriate for the level that we were at.

So how do you expect anyone to be open to learning when their entire relationship with reading, with learning, is physical pain? Wish I had understood when I was younger that the fact that my brain worked differently than people meant that I would be good at things in ways that other kids were not going to be good at. I just assumed, I can't be dyslexic because letters don't jump up and down for me.

Dyslexia is not a disorder. It is not a disease. Once you sort of own it and embrace it, then you can have the power to deal with it. It's sort of empowering and also enriching to the whole community. To those who don't understand what dyslexia is, that it's not a negative, it's not a problem. It's like we keep saying superpower. Hey everyone, we're Sonja and Nick and this is Dyslexia Journey.

Well, today is the honeymoon over. School started, at least here in the U.S., a couple months ago. And as we've discussed in previous episodes, there's often a honeymoon period at the beginning. Kids are excited to go back to school. But is the honeymoon over now? We'll first talk about a few signs that it might be, and then we'll talk about what you can do about it. And, you know, I should add here, we're saying this sort of as this mid-fall kind of approach here, but really this can happen at any time, right?

I mean, it's going to look different for every kid, so you can really use this at any time of the year. Yeah, like coming back after winter break in the U.S. is often a time when the honeymoon's definitely over. Right, right. Okay, so what are some signs to look for that this is what could be happening here? And maybe they're obvious, but sometimes when we're busy, you know, we might not be really thinking of it that way.

So one thing is that they might be starting to talk more just about what they don't like about school. So it might be something very specific. I don't like this particular teacher, or I don't like this particular thing that we do, you know, at school, or whatever it is, a particular class. And it might be a change, too. Like, at the beginning, first week, they might have said, oh, I love my new teacher.

And now they might be finding things to nitpick about him or her, or they might just be saying, I hate my teacher. Right, so it could look more general like that, too. And kind of similarly, it could look very general, like, I don't like school. So, very general, broad, like, I don't like school, or I hate school. You could notice more also homework refusal or more difficulty getting them to do homework or other activities that they're supposed to be doing at home related to school.

And then probably the biggest one is if you start to see school refusal, which is no fun at all and are difficult to deal with, but also very common. So they're really, like, you're having trouble getting them to get up and go to school and actually do it, or they're trying to run back to you. You know, if they're younger, they might run back to you when you reach school, that kind of thing.

Or if they're older, they might, you might notice that their wake-up time is getting later and later. Right, which of course could also have to do with being more tired, but it could be a sign of this as well. Yeah. And then there are some more, perhaps, subtle signs that this honeymoon may be over, that they're getting more stressed, less excited about it. So they might just be in worse moods. And it might not come across as being directly related to school.

So they might, if they're younger, they might have more tantrums after school or in the evening or on bedtime. If they're older, they might just be more sullen or grumpy. And if you ask them directly about school, they might say, oh, yeah, it's fine. But, like, it's probably really not. And it also could be that school activities and doing the homework, any of those things, could also look like it's just exhausting them a lot more.

Sometimes it looks like that, too. Yeah, for sure. Like, they might just be just acting more tired all the time. And, like Sonja said, it could be just because, okay, they have to get up early for school. Like, they are physically more tired. But don't overlook the mental exhaustion that can come with having dyslexia and having to deal with that all day. Right, exactly. So some element of it could be more emotional, and then there could be just actually, you know, that it has added up the extent to which they have to work hard on it.

Okay, so what to do? I mean, there's no perfect answer here. So I don't want to give you the impression at all that there's some quick fix here. A lot of it is sort of getting through it, noticing and getting through it. But I do think it's helpful to be pretty conscious about it because, you know, we can just strategize better with our kids if we do that. So the first thing is to get perspective.

So I think normalizing this helps because sometimes when you're in the middle of it, it can feel like, you know, all the other kids are, like, happy-go-lucky and, like, your kid, which is probably not true, right? There are probably other things happening. You're just not seeing it. But, you know, like we talked about, it can be more exhausting, like, for a dyslexic kid in particular. And so, you know, maybe it is more your kid who's having challenges.

So getting perspective that it's normal can help a lot. And then, of course, there's that just global idea of this will pass. I've talked about this before. You can sort of, if you have to, take it backwards. Like, okay, it's not going to look like this when they're 20. It's not going to look like this when they're... You can sort of do that if you need to. But just knowing that, okay, this is not fun, but it's not going to be this way forever and trying to remember that.

But then, of course, we'll want to talk about some other things to think about, too. And so that's the next thing on getting perspective is that you can work it out. You can do some things to help. And so that's what we'll talk about next. I think the biggest thing, and so we have a couple subcategories under this, is to assess if adjustments need to be made. There's something to be said just for letting them get it out, you know, express how they feel.

But it's worth always considering if adjustments are needed. So we'll break that down into a couple categories, starting with home. Yeah. So I think at home, we, like Sonja said, we tend to put our own worries on top of this. And so we might be unintentionally pressuring our child at home about getting homework done. We, we might, you know, because if we're anxious about it, we might ask, ask our child the first thing when they get home, like, oh, do you have any homework today?

Do you need help with it? And, and like the last thing your kid probably wants to do after getting home from seven hours of exhausting school is talk about their homework. Right. And of course, it'll vary based on the kid. There might be a kid who wants to get it done right away. Sure. You know, maybe you have somehow worked out that that's your system. But I think it's always worth considering if the flow of the homework routine is right.

And has it changed, right? This is the other thing is like, if it was working, we can really want to dig in our heels and be like, oh, but it was working. But things do have to change a lot of the time. So assessing that flow of the homework routine, including when it's happening. Okay. And then it's worth also considering, do they need more help from you? You know, a lot of, we talk about this a lot too, that a lot of families, you know, they're trying to encourage independence or like maybe your kid already was doing it or you can't tell if they could do it themselves.

But, you know, they really might need someone to be there more with them and they may need actual help with it. So it's really worth considering if that's the case and trying to figure out who could be available for that. And or do they need help from somebody who's not you? Right. Because sometimes as parents, we are not always the best people to help our child with their actual schoolwork and homework.

So you might consider if you have the financial resources to do so to look into outside tutoring. Or perhaps the school offers tutoring. Right. There's often free school tutoring available as well. So that's one option. Also, in addition to help with homework, does your child need or want more time with you doing non-homework things? I mean, some children want to just be alone, cocoon in their room maybe, and do their own thing to relax.

But sometimes they might want to do something with you that's not related to school and homework to help them decompress. Because it could feel like just the homework and all the school stuff is like everywhere, you know, if you're only helping them with homework and that's all you do ever at home. Right. Right. Exactly. So if you have the time, and I think it's important to make time to do things with our children that doesn't involve schoolwork, offer to play a game with them or read with them or watch a show with them.

Or, you know, whatever, whatever they're interested in. Yes. Okay. So I think that's kind of our recommendation for changing your home life with regards to the honeymoon being over at school. So jumping into the next category, which is actually school, and there's a bit of an overlap here because the homework that your child has to deal with is coming from the school. And so one thing to really think about here is does your child have the right accommodations around homework for their learning differences?

So one common accommodation for dyslexia is actually to have less homework. If that's math, it's fewer problems. If it's reading, it's maybe they read for 20 minutes or it's time-based rather than quantity-based. Yeah, which is pretty common anyway, but still, it's worth thinking about that. Like, is there a way that the homework could be lessened and that could be part of their accommodations? And, you know, if it's really rote things or if it's kind of the same kind of thing, usually that doesn't affect the learning at all.

No, and even if it's not an official accommodation that's been approved by the school, I mean, don't be afraid to stand up for your kid and talk to your teacher one-on-one and work something out. I mean, just say, like, look, this homework load is overwhelming. It's actually detracting from my child's learning, having this volume. Like, I'm just going to have my child do less. Right. And then the other aspect here is that there could be accommodations at school that they're needing.

I think we tend to think of these more with the older kids, you know, because we're thinking more of a lot of tests and those kinds of things. But it could be at any age, really. Like, is there a way in which some sort of accommodation would help them with something they're struggling with at school? And then somewhat similarly, is there something that a teacher could help them with? Could they get more support?

So kind of just thinking of all these different kinds of ways they could get support, actually, while they're in the classroom. Yeah, definitely. And that, as always, that involves you. I mean, especially for younger kids, that involves you being an advocate for your child. As they get older, as we've discussed before, especially in the high school, they do need to learn to be an advocate for themselves. But don't assume that they don't need you to be an advocate for them anymore in high school.

Well, and also, like, guiding them into even how to be an advocate, right? Often that's a whole learning process, too. Right. And that's just – children are different about that. I mean, some people are very good about advocating for themselves and some people are not. And that's not a – it's not a character flaw. If they have a hard time advocating for themselves, it just means they need more help and guidance.

Yes. Okay, so another subcategory here with adjustments that might need to be made is a little more outside the box. It's other activities. So things that we don't associate with school, whether that's art activities or sports or, like, those kinds of things is what I'm talking about. And this can kind of go two opposite directions, actually. So, of course, we might have to rein something in if we realize that they're overbooked, right?

Like, maybe they're just overscheduled and it's just too much. And, you know, now you're starting to realize it as things progress during the school year. But it could look the other way, actually. So it's also possible that are they feeling like they don't get to try something that they really wanted to try or they actually have a passion and they're not getting to do it, right? So if they're not getting that kind of outlet or place for their passions, that can actually be detrimental, too.

It's kind of almost like in the vein of, you know, at home, making sure it's not only about homework. Like, in their lives, is it only about school? Yeah. And this is because it's two almost contradictory things here. Like, you really have to assess your own child. Everybody's unique. You know, is your child continuing with an activity only because they feel like they should and they don't really like it anymore versus does your child really need that outlet or maybe even wants to try something new?

Right. Exactly. And I think sometimes, you know, in our culture, we can get really into not quitting and persisting and all that. But I think we have to really, like, take a hard look at what's exactly happening. Is it really just about, you know, they need to get through that they lost a game and, you know, you're trying to encourage them to, you know, get through that kind of thing. But how is it looking, like, overall in their life?

Is it just really not fitting? That's completely different. Right. And in the U.S. especially, I mean, we do tend to make everything so intense as well. And so maybe your child really likes soccer, but maybe that competitive travel team they're on is just too overwhelming right now. Like, you know, think about ways that and just try and have a really honest conversation and assess with your child what really is going to be best for them.

And trying to, I didn't have this as a separate point, but, you know, trying to, as much as possible, really include them in these decisions is important. For sure. Yeah. So, okay. And then another subcategory here about adjustments that might need to be made is, is there something else? Is there actually a different issue? Because, you know, we're talking mostly about dyslexic kids. A lot of what we've said applies to everybody.

But is there a different issue that needs to be addressed that maybe you either just didn't have time to deal with yet? It was sort of like the, the, not the squeak, like the dyslexia maybe was the squeaky wheel that needed the grease. And then you were like, oh, I think there's maybe something else going on here too. Like maybe they also have ADHD or, you know, migraines. And so it could be that the issue is just cropping up now, or it could be, because this is just totally understandable.

Like when we get busy and we're trying to deal with things like this, that it hasn't just gotten the attention it deserved yet. Right. A few, a few points about that. I mean, one is if your child is, if the honeymoon is over, they might have more physical complaints like, oh, I have a headache or my stomach hurts. And that may sound like them just trying to get out of going to school or get out of doing things.

But it's important to take those things seriously. Like they're not, they're not, one, they're not necessarily just psychosomatic. I mean, when people are stressed, that obviously can lead to more physical manifestations. And also when you're stressed, you tend to maybe notice things more. And then even if it is, quote, just psychosomatic, then, I mean, that's still important to address as well. That's a real problem. All right. So then a final, bigger category here, not a subcategory anymore of the adjustments.

And this is the final one is just seeing if you can try to get a real break. Like I'm thinking of specifically of, you know, if there's a teacher work day or some other kind of break like that. Like, can you try to do something completely different, you know, from the routine on that day? You know, that'll also look different for different kids. If some need to just rest and do whatever they want, that's totally fine too.

But it could look like something very different in an outing as a family or something like that. And so I think it's important that those are real breaks. It can be really tempting to make them only catch up time. But trying to make sure that the breaks are really breaks is really important too. For sure. Yeah. I mean, if the weather's still nice where you are, maybe get outside in nature. If not, maybe go do something fun in a nearby city.

Obviously, there's a contingent on you being able to take time off work to do that. If you can't, maybe if you could maybe get a grandparent to do something fun with them for the day or a family friend or maybe, you know, trade off with some other parents. There's lots of options. Lots of things to do. And of course, I'm saying that sort of on the bigger scale, but I think working at least a little bit of that into each weekend is also very important.

Yeah, for sure. So that's something to keep in mind as well. So it's a sort of final point here that I think kind of underscores everything we've talked about is to really trust your child and to include them in all of this. If your child is refusing to go to school, especially your dyslexic child, it doesn't mean they're lazy. It doesn't mean they're shirking responsibility. Like there's something going on there. And as a parent, it's our responsibility to figure out what's going on and help our child make it through this challenging time.

Right. So trying to take more of a detective attitude and not get into moralizing around it, right? I think that's really important to do. Exactly. Yeah. So hopefully this was helpful. We'd love it if you add any other tips that you have down in the comments. I'm sure that was not exhaustive. And let us know if there's other topics you'd like us to cover as well. Check out our website at thedyslexiajourney.com.

You can email us at parentingdyslexiajourney at gmail.com. And we are on Instagram now as well at parentingdyslexiajourney.